I cockslap morals
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
