I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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