i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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