I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she told me i tasted like america
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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