Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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