i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
