We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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