i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
