just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
