omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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