i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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