i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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