oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is my gift to your gina
I just had sex on a roof
I got inside last night via doggy door
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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