on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
