Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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