I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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