I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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