so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
