So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
