forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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