I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
