Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
