I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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