i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.