I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
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When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.