Barsexuality is the new black.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize