Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.