wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel