How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.