ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
