help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
