somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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