he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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