Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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