I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
