SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I could make wine with my vomit
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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