Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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