i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
