I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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