I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
