She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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