Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
