I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
