i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
