i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
