Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
