I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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