hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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