I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize