Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
