you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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