Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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