am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
