his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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