Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
