Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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