He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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