4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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