No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
