yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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