im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
