my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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