Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you made out with another girl for some wings
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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