it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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