frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
