I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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