if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
