Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
