You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
