Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
