She's JV to your varsity
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
