I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
