i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
